These situations are tough.
There is no one "right" way to help a struggling child. There is no one to blame. Everyone is doing the best they can in a scary, frustrating, and draining situation. Even on the good days, you're careful. You're tired of having your hope smashed.
I know. When I worked at a therapeutic boarding school, 8 pre-teens became "my girls." Their parents scattered all across the world, I was "their person" in day-to-day life. It wasn't the same as being a parent, but there's something profound that happens to your heart when you are the 24/7 on-call, go-to person for a troubled child who hasn't seen her parents in months.
In addition to being exceptionally wonderful, “my girls” were traumatized, self-destructive, moody, and tough as nails. I've been yelled at, hit, kicked, scratched, bitten, spat on, lied to, stolen from, and called all the names in the book. I know about losing sleep worrying, feeling broken down and defeated when yet another strategy doesn't work, getting angry calls from teachers, and being woken up in the middle of the night to a full-on crisis situation. I know the feeling of chasing after someone who doesn't want to be caught, holding someone who wants to hurt herself, loving someone who wishes she was never born. I know the heartbreak of it. The aloneness and fear, the immense frustration, confusion, and self-blame, the not knowing what to do. I know what it means to feel responsible for "making it better" when the "it" is something unknown, incomprehensible, or horrific. I've been to these dark and despair-filled places.
And I've also come out on the other side with families!
I've seen kids go from angry and defiant to warm, self-loving, and emotionally mature. I've watched healthy boundaries grow. I have witnessed children and parents bond in ways previously considered impossible. Families getting progressively more emotionally steady, empowered, and wise.
I have learned that when there is dedication, hard work, and deep soul-searching, happy endings can exist.
Bachelor's of Fine Arts in Painting, 2009, Rhode Island School of Design
Master's of Social Work, 2011, University of Michigan School of Social Work
Licensed Clinical Social Worker in the State of North Carolina
Certified Intermediate Level Theraplay® Practitioner
Theraplay is form of play therapy that focuses on cultivating a joyful, attuned, and influential relationship between parent and child. Theraplay uses the foundational building blocks of attachment, including eye contact, touch, movement, and voice, to deepen a child's most important relationships.
I completed the Level One Theraplay & Marshack Interaction Method (MIM) 4-day hands-on training in 2014 and the 3-day Level Two training in 2016. Over a period of 3 years, I submitted videotaped recordings of my sessions for review and feedback from a skilled supervisor. The Theraplay Institute currently recognizes me as a Certified Intermediate Level Theraplay Practitioner.
Circle of Security Parenting (COSP) focuses on translating dense concepts from attachment theory into accessible, hands-on language for parents. Through 8 weeks of closely observing video and through verbal processing, parents grow in their self-awareness and self-reflection. This model emphasizes that a child’s “bad behaviors” are driven by emotional needs “hidden in plain sight.” COSP works to uncover what is hidden, so that parents have more choices in how to respond. I completed the 4-day COSP training in March 2019.
Family Centered Treatment (FCT) is an intensive in-home model of therapy for families in crisis. FCT is based directly on Family Systems Theory, the theory that shifting family relationship dynamics is powerful in resolving any one family member's issues. FCT treats families as a whole, interconnected system.
From 2012-2013 I trained in FCT. This process was highly structured and also required the consistent use of videotaping my sessions for review with a certified trainer.
*A registered service mark of The Theraplay® Institute, Evanston, IL, USA